Lots of readers have written in seeking advice regarding their stagnating sex lives. Although men usually complain that their women don't give them enough sex to satisfy their appetites, there are problems endured by guys that go way beyond "not enough sex." There are physical, psychological and relationship issues that might be causing such developing sexual problems, but as long as you're willing to try, your relationship and sexual appetite for your partner can be salvaged.
If your sex life isn't what it used to be, it may be time to ask yourself: Is it time for sex therapy?
Address the sexual problem quickly
First and foremost, the moment you begin to feel your emotions and physical attraction for your partner waning, nip the problem in the butt rather than let it slide until it's too late.
If that's not the problem, then recognize that something is changing -- and not for the better -- and that you need to do something about it before it becomes a permanent gash full of salt.
Of course, everyone tends to assume that all guys reject therapy because "guys just don't do therapy." But it may be surprising to know that more and more men are starting to come out about their physical and emotional problems when it comes to sex. And it's about time too.
What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is not only for those with impotence and other sexual debilitation; it is also convenient for couples who feel that their sex life isn't headed where they would like or are simply having sexual difficulties.
Sex therapy is professional treatment that helps one deal with sexual functions and expressions. It ultimately assists individuals and couples in dealing with sexually expressing themselves more effectively.
Sex therapists then deal with a wide variety of sexual drawbacks, from the clearly evident and physiological, to the less apparent and perhaps psychological.
Why do you need sex therapy?
It's no secret that when it comes to sex, many problems can come up. A sex therapist can help you deal with many of these problems. Keep in mind, however, that sex therapists are not miracle workers.
- Sex therapists can help you deal with:
- Arousal (inability to get or maintain an erection or her frigidity)
- Orgasm (inability to climax or control ejaculation)
- Sexual inhibitions
- Painful intercourse
- Sexual relationships that become stagnant
- Differences in what sexually arouses each of you
- Communication breakdowns when it comes to discussing sex
- Enhancing your sexual relationship
Asking her to join in
There is nothing more nerve-racking than having to communicate to your partner that there's a problem in the relationship, let alone a sexual one. But you have to bring it up sometime and there's no time like the present.
Don't suggest sex therapy in the middle of foreplay or when there's any hint of sexual intimacy going on (you'll be asking for a fight and a night on the couch). Bring it up when you're both in an adequate mood and don't lay any blame on anyone upon discussing it.
If she begins to get uptight, explain that you want to work on things rather than give up because you believe in the relationship. If the problem is only a physical one that deals with your penis, you can still ask for her support and any good woman will be more than happy to be by your side.
What should you expect from sex therapy?
Now, if you think that sex therapy involves a hot babe whose hair starts out in bun and who is dressed in professional attire down to her cat-eye glasses, only to remove everything slowly while some seductive song echoes on the radio in the background -- think again.
Picture someone more like Dr. Ruth Westheimer -- that's more like it. Now take the focus off of the therapist and place it on your partner and/or yourself. Keep in mind that since you're paying for the session, you should take full advantage and get everything out in the open.
It's believed that only 15% of guys with sexual drawbacks ever get help. If you want to get better or live a more sexually fulfilling life, it's up to you to make the change; therapy is just one way to go about it.
What happens in sex therapy?
Get used to talking about sex because you're going to be doing a lot of that in therapy. It's going to get explicit (not necessarily vulgar), so lose the timidity and jump into the conversation headfirst.
You (and your partner) will probably be instructed to read certain materials and books to further educate you on the subject of sex and your particular dilemma. And don't be afraid to ask questions; raise questions about anything you're unsure of.
You are not going to be judged; therapists are there to help, not condemn. Obviously, certain things you say are going to be challenged or confronted, but at no point should you be disrespected.
You will not be required to perform sexual acts with either the therapist (damn!) or your partner in front of the therapist (double damn!), it's not at all like what you see in some movies. The conversation might be explicit, but there should be no actual sex acts occurring at the office.
we need to talk
Statistics for how many men confront their sexual problems are shady at best, as most guys don't like to admit that they might be experiencing difficulties in the bedroom. You can change all of that by confronting your problem rather than sweeping it under the carpet.
The bottom line is that it's up to you to change what's upsetting you when it comes to lovemaking. If you want quality, then you might have to tell somebody about it.
source: askmen.com