Yes, it's that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.This week's Q&A is all about how to successfully pick up your hot coworker and coming up with Cocky & Funny things to say. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader's comment
What's up Dr. Dave?
I work in a restaurant. Needless to say, there are quite a few 8s, 9s and even a few 10s working there. Approaching and talking to them is not a problem for me, but I feel I should be careful when asking one of them to join me for a beer after work. I don't want to bring any uncomfortable feelings between us (if she's not interested). What would you recommend I do and what should I say?
T, Indy
david d. responds
The first thing to remember is that when you "ask a woman out," you immediately start a whole chain of mental and emotional events for a woman.
She has to decide if she "likes you" and if there could ever be anything between the two of you -- and if she's thirsty and interested in free beer.
You get my drift.
Women know when you're asking them "out out." As in, you're asking them because you have a "romantic interest."
Guess what?
When you do this, it also puts the woman in the driver's seat in the situation because she instantly realizes that she has something you want. Have you ever heard of "wanting it tax?" It's when the price goes up the more you want it.
Now, as you probably know, I don't generally think that it's such a great idea to date women you work with because you never know what's going to happen, and the last thing you need is to lose your job or have to work for hours at a time in an uncomfortable situation.
And besides, attractive women usually have attractive friends, and if you're cool, the women you work with can lead to an endless supply of dates. Think it over.
You might want to think of it as a goose that lays golden eggs.
Even though I don't advise dating women you work with, I still want to address your basic question of asking a woman out without creating discomfort.
Remember, most guys do exactly the same things. They start talking to a woman then say: "Hey, can I take you out some time?" or "Do you have a boyfriend?"
This stuff is horrible.
It does exactly the wrong thing. It makes you look like a Wuss Boy who needs a girlfriend. And if she's not interested (which she probably won't be), then it will create some discomfort in the future.
Much better to test first, then take a small step.
If it's a woman you know, tease her, bust on her and generally act like you don't care. Make a comment about her and walk away. Be Cocky & Funny when you're with her, and don't be boring.
Then, if she's responding positively (laughing, hitting you, telling you that you're a pain, etc.), then say: "Hey, do you have e-mail?"
If she does, have her write it down, then say: "Bye."
From a man's perspective this might not seem any different than just asking a woman out.
But, from the woman's perspective it's very different.
First of all, you've never shown her any romantic interest, which doesn't give up your power in the situation and hand it all to her.
Secondly, instead of putting "dating" pressure on her, you've only asked her for her e-mail address (and maybe her number as well).
However, you haven't asked her on a date, you haven't created any kind of weird vibes in the air, and you have made her wonder what you have in mind.
It's powerful -- think about it.
reader's comment
Hey Dave,
I never realized how much of a Wuss I was until I read your book. I laugh at how stupid I was. I am now able to talk to women and feel completely confident about myself. It's great!
Anyway, I was on a double date the other night and I decided to try some of your techniques. I noticed that just by acting like you are in control of yourself, gets you far. I had my date feeling as though she wasn't good enough for me, and my friend's date was even hitting on me. I could not believe it. However, I had trouble coming up with some Cocky & Funny things to say. How do you know what to say and when to say it? I want to master this! What do you suggest to further this skill?
A, UT
david d. responds
OK, let me see if I understand your situation.
You read my book, realized you were a Wuss, stopped being a Wuss, started getting great results, and now you want to know what I suggest to further your skills?
Start off with this:
Sit down and take an hour of your life to write down the 10 most common situations you find yourself in with women, then come up with three great Cocky & Funny lines for each situation.
Finally, practice them in your mind and in the real world until they feel natural.
Practice.
David DeAngelo
source: askmen.com