reader's questionThis week's e-mail comes from Tim, who writes:Hello,Last weekend I was invited by a friend to what they call a “walking dinner” these days. There were lots of interesting people at that event, so naturally I started networking (you never know which doors you could unlock). The thing is, though, when I got home and thought about it, I wondered if I made an unforgettable impression. I reckon that people liked me since I was charming and funny, but not intrusive.I'm not sure that these people will remember me vividly if I'd contact them in the near future. I doubt that this sort of general chitchat will stick, but you can't be too pushy in these kinds of events where people are probably relieved to spend the night without talking business.So my question is: How can you make an unforgettable impression when networking?Thanks in advance!TimresponseTim, thank you for your question. First off, good for you on wanting to be more memorable. It sounds like you're a friendly guy and that you want to make good connections with people. The most important thing when meeting others is to be yourself. If you're playing a role or trying to seem more interesting than you are, you'll come across as trying to impress others. We can borrow a rule of thumb from the world of pickups that works for all social situations: “Don't just be yourself, be the best possible version of yourself.” That is to say, you don't want to act fake to try and impress others, but being interesting and interested will put your best foot forward. Think of this in terms of dating: The average girl won't judge you that heavily based on what you're wearing, as long as it doesn't stink and there aren't any holes in it.That being said, here are a few things you can do to learn how to be memorable.Give them a hookWhen you meet new people, always give them something to remember you by -- a mental hook they can hold onto you with. In her excellent book, How to Talk to Anyone, author Leil Lowndes suggests a technique called “Never the Naked Introduction.” Whenever you're introduced to someone new, give them a little introduction about yourself. Not a speech mind you; a few words will do.Let's say you're living in Canada and went to visit your brother Scott in Florida. When meeting his friends, try saying this: “Hi, I'm Tim, Scott's brother from Canada.” That's the minimum. You can go funnier or deeper based on the situation. “Hi, I'm Tim, Scott's brother. I'm down from Canada on surveillance.” It can be a quick blurb about where you're from, why you're there or what company you work for (that last one works better for work situations like a convention rather than dinner with friends). The point is to give others something simple -- but memorable -- about you.Don't try to be funnyDon't get me wrong, being funny in a conversation is a good thing. But if you're trying to be funny, you're probably trying too hard. Think about people you've met in the past who've tried too hard to be funny. How many jokes did it take them to cross your own personal “What's wrong with this guy?” barrier? Not many. If you're just chitchatting, you should be paying more attention to the conversation than trying to work in your stand-up routine.Hit the ball backThis one isn't so much about being memorable as it is about just being a good conversationalist. A good conversation should flow back and forth, with each side adding something in turns. So, if you think of a conversation as a game of tennis, each player should be hitting the ball to the other. Don't keep bouncing the ball on your side of the net (talking about yourself too much). But, by the same token, hit the ball back. Give them something to keep the conversation going.If the other person makes a point, and you respond with “Totally,” they've got nothing new to build off of. So add something to the conversation each time you contribute. If you're at a loss for words, repeat back parts of what they said or ask them a question about what they've said. Another great tip is to tell the other person something you've noticed about them -- it really shows you're involved and paying attention. Again, be sincere here; if nothing stood out, don't fake it.Avoid the same boring topicsTim, you seem like a nice guy, and I hate to threaten you, but so help me if I find out you've been opening conversations by asking people what they do for work. If you are, I will hunt you down and beat you with the same stick they used to smack the “What's your sign?” guys back in the day.Listen, if you want to be memorable, avoid boring topics like the plague. Think of some interesting things to ask people and one interesting thing that happened to you today. That's your ammunition for the conversation. Everything from there should be based on what they say, and follow along naturally with the flow of the conversation. Think about it: A person's job is one of the biggest parts of their life -- it's going to come up eventually. In the meantime, ask different questions; you'll learn something about them nobody else at the party knows.If you've read The Game by Neil Strauss, you read about a guy named Tynan (he appears in the book under the name Herbal). Tynan has some of the best advice on this I've ever heard. He says to make a rule: If you're ever telling a story and get distracted, don't go back and restart the story without somebody asking you to. Trust me, if they were enjoying the story they'll ask for the rest.Let them discover your valueThere are very few guarantees in life, so remember this one: Bragging about yourself makes you sound like a tool. It also makes you sound like you're insecure about yourself, and that's a brutal double whammy. If there's a common thread in all these tips, it's to pay more attention to the conversation, and less attention to how you're coming across to others. Spend more time keeping the conversation fun and flowing, and you'll be more fun to be around. At the same time, not everyone knows how to talk to others, so don't feel bad if the people you talk to aren't as smooth as you. And remember, if the other person is talking your ear off and bragging, chances are they're trying to look more interesting to you.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
How To: Be Memorable
reader's questionThis week's e-mail comes from Tim, who writes:Hello,Last weekend I was invited by a friend to what they call a “walking dinner” these days. There were lots of interesting people at that event, so naturally I started networking (you never know which doors you could unlock). The thing is, though, when I got home and thought about it, I wondered if I made an unforgettable impression. I reckon that people liked me since I was charming and funny, but not intrusive.I'm not sure that these people will remember me vividly if I'd contact them in the near future. I doubt that this sort of general chitchat will stick, but you can't be too pushy in these kinds of events where people are probably relieved to spend the night without talking business.So my question is: How can you make an unforgettable impression when networking?Thanks in advance!TimresponseTim, thank you for your question. First off, good for you on wanting to be more memorable. It sounds like you're a friendly guy and that you want to make good connections with people. The most important thing when meeting others is to be yourself. If you're playing a role or trying to seem more interesting than you are, you'll come across as trying to impress others. We can borrow a rule of thumb from the world of pickups that works for all social situations: “Don't just be yourself, be the best possible version of yourself.” That is to say, you don't want to act fake to try and impress others, but being interesting and interested will put your best foot forward. Think of this in terms of dating: The average girl won't judge you that heavily based on what you're wearing, as long as it doesn't stink and there aren't any holes in it.That being said, here are a few things you can do to learn how to be memorable.Give them a hookWhen you meet new people, always give them something to remember you by -- a mental hook they can hold onto you with. In her excellent book, How to Talk to Anyone, author Leil Lowndes suggests a technique called “Never the Naked Introduction.” Whenever you're introduced to someone new, give them a little introduction about yourself. Not a speech mind you; a few words will do.Let's say you're living in Canada and went to visit your brother Scott in Florida. When meeting his friends, try saying this: “Hi, I'm Tim, Scott's brother from Canada.” That's the minimum. You can go funnier or deeper based on the situation. “Hi, I'm Tim, Scott's brother. I'm down from Canada on surveillance.” It can be a quick blurb about where you're from, why you're there or what company you work for (that last one works better for work situations like a convention rather than dinner with friends). The point is to give others something simple -- but memorable -- about you.Don't try to be funnyDon't get me wrong, being funny in a conversation is a good thing. But if you're trying to be funny, you're probably trying too hard. Think about people you've met in the past who've tried too hard to be funny. How many jokes did it take them to cross your own personal “What's wrong with this guy?” barrier? Not many. If you're just chitchatting, you should be paying more attention to the conversation than trying to work in your stand-up routine.Hit the ball backThis one isn't so much about being memorable as it is about just being a good conversationalist. A good conversation should flow back and forth, with each side adding something in turns. So, if you think of a conversation as a game of tennis, each player should be hitting the ball to the other. Don't keep bouncing the ball on your side of the net (talking about yourself too much). But, by the same token, hit the ball back. Give them something to keep the conversation going.If the other person makes a point, and you respond with “Totally,” they've got nothing new to build off of. So add something to the conversation each time you contribute. If you're at a loss for words, repeat back parts of what they said or ask them a question about what they've said. Another great tip is to tell the other person something you've noticed about them -- it really shows you're involved and paying attention. Again, be sincere here; if nothing stood out, don't fake it.Avoid the same boring topicsTim, you seem like a nice guy, and I hate to threaten you, but so help me if I find out you've been opening conversations by asking people what they do for work. If you are, I will hunt you down and beat you with the same stick they used to smack the “What's your sign?” guys back in the day.Listen, if you want to be memorable, avoid boring topics like the plague. Think of some interesting things to ask people and one interesting thing that happened to you today. That's your ammunition for the conversation. Everything from there should be based on what they say, and follow along naturally with the flow of the conversation. Think about it: A person's job is one of the biggest parts of their life -- it's going to come up eventually. In the meantime, ask different questions; you'll learn something about them nobody else at the party knows.If you've read The Game by Neil Strauss, you read about a guy named Tynan (he appears in the book under the name Herbal). Tynan has some of the best advice on this I've ever heard. He says to make a rule: If you're ever telling a story and get distracted, don't go back and restart the story without somebody asking you to. Trust me, if they were enjoying the story they'll ask for the rest.Let them discover your valueThere are very few guarantees in life, so remember this one: Bragging about yourself makes you sound like a tool. It also makes you sound like you're insecure about yourself, and that's a brutal double whammy. If there's a common thread in all these tips, it's to pay more attention to the conversation, and less attention to how you're coming across to others. Spend more time keeping the conversation fun and flowing, and you'll be more fun to be around. At the same time, not everyone knows how to talk to others, so don't feel bad if the people you talk to aren't as smooth as you. And remember, if the other person is talking your ear off and bragging, chances are they're trying to look more interesting to you.