This week's question comes from a guy who recently met a girl that he suspects is dating his friend. Should he confront her and/or his friend? Doc Love weighs in.reader's question
Hey Doc,
First, I would like to thank you for “The System.” I discovered it a month ago, have been applying your principles to my dates and feel that I am better because of it. I can already tell that you are saving me time, money and headaches that I would have foolishly brought upon myself before using it. I have much to learn and memorize still, but I can already see the changes.
online dating
I primarily use the internet to find dates. I found Shauntelle’s profile online and tried to set up a coffee date. She claimed to be busy, but counter-offered, so I took the counteroffer. She seemed eager and showed up five minutes before our scheduled time. When we approached the counter I let her order first, and then ordered my drink. We both reached for our wallets -- which I know is a red flag if she had pushed paying for herself -- but when I handed the clerk my credit card Shauntelle politely thanked me for paying.
We had a good time and laughed a lot. Then she asked me: “What do you like to do in your spare time?” Doc, I’m a pretty boring guy really, but I knew not to be negative, so I told her that I liked to search for buried pirate treasures. I mentioned that I do this by playing something called “geocaching.” (By the way, this is a high-tech, treasure-hunting game played by adventure-seekers equipped with electronic devices.) She laughed and said that she had just been treasure hunting for the first time a few weeks ago and had a great time.
dating your friend’s girl?
This struck me immediately. I remembered that my friend Bill also uses the same website to find dates and had taken one of his dates treasure hunting. I put two and two together and realized that this was the same girl he had been taking out for a few weeks. However, I didn’t mention anything about my friend Bill to Shauntelle.
My question is this: I am 95% sure that this girl is also dating my friend. Should I make any mention of him to her, or of her to him? The fact that Shauntelle is dating around leads me to believe that her Interest Level in him is not super high, and as he does not use “The System,” I know that he may not hold her interest long anyway. This is an unusual situation and I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding the fact that I am also dating Shauntelle from my friend, though he may not need to know anyway.
Zip - who is a Spartan in training
doc love's answer
Hi Zip,
First of all, thanks for the compliments on my techniques. You will find that they have a positive effect on every phase of your life, from dating to business. In fact, my methods are transformative. Can you imagine how much less trouble men would have with women if every guy out there followed my philosophy? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says: “My son, the world would be a better place.”
watching for red flags
And because of my coaching, you certainly started out on the right foot, Zip. You knew from reading my book that you should take Shauntelle up on her counteroffer when she couldn’t accept your suggestion for a first date, and of course it was great that she showed up early. But more importantly, this shows you not only read my book but internalized it as well. You might have blown your opportunity with Shauntelle had you not been armed with the correct tactic beforehand. And watching for how Shauntelle was going to handle the bill at Starbucks demonstrates that after reading my book you have an eye for those big Red Flags. Congratulations to you, guy. Keep up the good work.
It was very smart that you didn’t mention anything to Shauntelle about dating your friend while you were at Starbucks because you’re not 100% sure that Bill is actually dating her. This is just a guess on your part because you have no proof of anything. You didn’t have a camera following this woman around, did you? I don’t care whether this girl is dating your friend or not because at this point it’s not an issue. And remember, like my cousin General Love says: “All’s fair in love and war, soldier!”
mum’s the word
Should you mention these two to each other? Absolutely not. Again, what’s the point, Zip? Even if your friend Bill is finished with Shauntelle, even if she has no interest whatsoever in him, he’s going to say he still likes her. This will only bum you out, so keep your mouth shut. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “Being a witness to your buddy’s pain ain’t gonna help you at all.”
That said, knowing that Bill will probably not hold Shauntelle’s interest for long -- if indeed they’re dating in the first place -- is an excellent observation on your part. Most guys wouldn’t pick up on something like that, but you did because you’ve massively increased your IQ when it comes to women by investing in “The System.” By learning the principles in my book, you’re now able to think like a love cop on Love And Order and make observations that mean something instead of projecting only what you want to see. Ninety percent of the men out there would be clueless in your situation.
spare the drama
Dude, the truth is that it’s really none of your friend’s business if you’re seeing Shauntelle. Like I said earlier, you’re not 100% sure that it’s him who she’s going out with anyway, remember? So why make an issue out of nothing? Let Bill come to you if he has a problem. Loyalty is not an issue when you don’t even know for sure that there’s anything to be concerned about.
Remember, guys: When you start dating a babe, don’t go looking for complications.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?
source: askmen.com