Relationship Correspondent
This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)Yes, it's that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.
This week's Q&A is all about the ideal kissing technique, translating conversational skills to the dating world and a success story. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader's comment
I met about a dozen girls on [a picture rating site] and just practiced the Cocky & Funny on them. I was the one calling the shots, dropping the boring ones and sticking to the interesting ones instead of them choosing whether I was worthy. The funny part was, they each started telling me how infatuated they were with me. And they started telling me about dozens of guys who piss them off -- and each of those guys was doing things I used to do by nature.
Well, after I realized that I actually did have it in me, I brought it all together and started using it on girls back at college. I’m currently going out with one of the most beautiful women in my college and it’s you I have to thank for it.
JW, Pennsylvania
david d. responds
Wow, nice.
You've really spelled it out.
A lot of young, hot women say that men are “annoying.”
What they really mean is that men are boring and that they feel no attraction for them.
As strange as the truth is, attraction is not triggered by being a “nice” guy.
Nice will never do it.
Of course, as you know, I never suggest that men act in an abusive way.
However, if you want to get out of the “annoying” category, you must start behaving and communicating differently.
Predictability is annoying to women.
Being clingy is annoying to women.
Acting like a Wussy is annoying to women.
Congratulations, and thank you for taking the time to write in and share your success story.
reader's comment
Dear David,
My question is about kissing. From my dates, in the second or third date I would kiss the girl using your tips (i.e., the hair), but I'm not really sure I am doing a good job kissing the girl. It's not like I can leave a comment box after the date, right? Do you have any suggestions on how to make a good and memorable kiss? You did say that a first kiss with a girl is pretty much like a first impression.
From one of your many loyal fans
david d. responds
This is a great question.
I’m going to share a little secret with you.
It’s a secret that I talk about all the time -- in my newsletters, my book, my seminars, my Advanced Program.
The secret is anticipation.
Anticipation is such an important concept when it comes to “getting physical” with a woman.
I believe that it’s important to incorporate it into every part of your interactions with a
woman -- really.
Now, if you really don’t know how to kiss a woman, then I have a recommendation: Start slow, then mirror what she does.
Here’s how to mix this strategy with anticipation.
Let’s say that you decide it’s time to kiss her. You use the Kiss Test and she’s enjoying it, so you lean over to kiss her.
Just as you start to kiss her, when you first feel your lips touching hers, stop right there. Brush your lips back and forth on hers a little bit, then pull away without actually kissing her.
Then smile at her.
You’ll probably be sitting there thinking: “Why the hell didn’t I just kiss her?”
She’ll probably be sitting there tingling all over, and feeling like she wants to jump on you.
Next, lean back. Talk a little more.
A few minutes later, touch her hair again.
Then lean over to kiss her again. This time, go very slowly. Gently press your lips against hers. Hold them there for a moment, and feel how she responds.
If she kisses you the same way, then just stop, lean back and relax again for a few minutes.
The next time you kiss her, open your mouth just a little bit, and see if she does the same.
Do this a couple of times.
At some point, she will probably start “escalating” the kisses, because the anticipation is just too much for her.
At this point, stop her. Push her away, and smile.
More anticipation.
Just keep mirroring how she’s kissing you as things get more and more intense. This is a great way to “learn” how to kiss, and she’ll enjoy it because you’ll be doing exactly what she likes.
reader's comment
Hey Dave,
I just finished reading your latest newsletter. Have you taken any courses or read any books on conversation skills? Can you recommend any books on the subject and also on the subject of body language?
Thanks,
AG in PA
david d. responds
The best books I’ve ever read on conversation skills are comedy books. I like the book Comedy Writing Secrets by Helitzer.
And as far as body language books go, I haven’t found any that I can recommend. The book Body Language by Fast has some interesting stuff in it, but most of it is hard to really grasp.
One of the biggest problems I ran into when I was first learning how to meet women was that things didn’t make sense -- and things that “should” work didn’t work.
When it comes to women and attraction, the normal rules don’t apply anymore. This area of life is very different from other areas, and when you try to apply ideas and techniques from other areas (like conversation skills), you’ll find that they often don’t work at all.
You can walk into a room full of 100 people, and start walking around meeting them.
For 99 of them, walking over and saying: “Hi, how do you know everyone here?” and “So, what do you do?” will work just fine.
But when you find that one attractive woman in the room that you’d like to meet and you want to start an interaction that leads to attraction, you must do something totally different.
It’s more than the words you say; it’s a total understanding of what that woman is looking for on a deep, primal, subconscious level -- and then to be that man.
David DeAngelo
This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)
David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.
source: askmen.com