This week's question comes from a guy who needs to know how to handle a meddling ex because she’s a total psycho.reader's question
Hey Doc,
Hayley, my girlfriend of four years, broke up with me about a year ago. We were young, I made some mistakes by not being a Challenge, and her strict Catholic parents didn't approve. I accepted this and, though it was difficult, moved on. Looking back, I realize that Hayley was insecure and a taker, but I was too blind to see it.
i got a new girl now
About a half a year later, I started dating my current girlfriend, Meredith. She's great; she's fun, independent, intelligent, giving, down-to-earth, and not to mention smokin' hot. She's just about everything you could ask for in a girl. Doc, I think I might've found a keeper. But now there's a problem.
My meddling ex, upon finding out about my new girl, decided the time was right to come back into my life, after months without communication. While I was expecting the classic Relationship Sabotage 101 techniques -- attempting to "just be friends" with me, etc., leave it to my meddling ex to open a whole new can of crazy. She's been harassing Meredith via Instant Messaging and Facebook. She even had the gall to stick her immature entourage on my girl, and now Meredith receives thinly veiled threats from Hayley's friends on a regular basis. They've even started harassing Meredith's friends, who have absolutely nothing to do with this situation.
cat fight tickets for sale
I know girls can be catty, but Meredith is growing more uncomfortable with the situation. I've assured her she has nothing to worry about, but I can tell, despite her attempts to hide it, that she feels insecure. She shouldn't have to be subjected to this abuse. Still, it's not serious enough to require drastic measures like legal action. Furthermore, Meredith has instructed me to ignore these people, and I think it's a good idea. But where do I draw the line? Would I be right in asking my meddling ex if she could stop? Would that even work? Mainly, I'm worried that Meredith will somehow associate me with this craziness and decide to ditch me.
Angel - who's living in a nightmare starring a meddling ex
doc love's answer
Hi Angel,
First of all, your new girlfriend should print all of this crazy, harassing material up because you're going to have to use it -- as evidence. You're going to court, pal. And don't forget to collect the names and addresses of Hayley's entourage because you're also going to take that material to the authorities as well.
she's a vicious vixen
As far as Hayley goes, like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says: "This girl is a full-blown sicko and she's vicious to boot. That's what you call a deadly combination." To measure the extent of her pathology, think of it this way: She dropped you. And when a girl drops a guy, it means that she's not interested in you and doesn't hold any animosity toward you. But not Hayley. This piece of work not only wants to make your new girlfriend's life miserable, she also has her posse pulling wacky stuff.
I got news for you, dude: Meredith should be growing more uncomfortable with this situation. But you're not quite seeing it because you don't realize the depth of the problem. And that's why you and your girlfriend are going to print up all this evidence and go down to the police department with it and fill out reports. And you're going to ask for a restraining order against your old girlfriend before something really bad happens.
it’s kinda like fatal attraction
You're wrong telling Meredith she has nothing to worry about. Don't you ever read the newspapers, buddy? Judging by what's coming into her e-mail box, she has a lot to worry about. Every time she logs onto her computer somebody's threatening her, and you don't consider that something to worry about? What's it going to take, Angel?
But Meredith shouldn't be concerned about her position with you. Tell her you like her and that there's no problem there. The real problem is that you've come into the relationship loaded with scars and baggage, which happens to be your psycho ex-girlfriend and her pals.
time to call the feds
Of course Meredith shouldn't be subjected to this abuse, which is why we have a legal system in this country. But here is where you're 100% wrong: This miserable situation sure as hell is serious enough to require drastic measures! And if it is not addressed immediately, Meredith's Interest Level in you is going to drop because you’re not defending her. It's time to be chivalrous and protect her from this stupid psycho that you dated for four years.
Where do you draw the line? You draw it right here and now. Like my cousin General Love says: "When your ex has her girlfriends harassing your girlfriend, you have a war going on!" I can't imagine how bad these other girls are; they're all a bunch of head cases too. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says: "Some people don’t have anything better to do with their time than drive other people crazy."
give me fuel, give me fire
Should you ask your ex to stop this harassment? Sure! Just call her up and say: "Honey, would you please stop sending nasty e-mails to my new girlfriend?" I’m sure she'll pay a lot of attention to that! Angel, all she's going to do when she hears such an anemic plea is double the e-mails to Meredith. Of course that tactic isn't going to work, because you're talking to a certifiable loon. So don't have any contact with your ex. All it does is add fuel to the fire.
Finally, you should be very concerned that Meredith is going to "somehow" associate you with this entire mess. And of course she's going to ditch you if things continue this way. Between being harassed by your ex and your not taking action to defend her, Meredith's Interest Level is going to plummet until she's out the door.
Remember, guys: When she crosses the line, it's time to go and talk to the cops.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
source: askmen.com