Relationship Correspondent
This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)Yes, it's that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.
This week's Q&A focuses on meeting women in stores, how to be Cocky & Funny online and what to do about sensitive women. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
reader's comment
David,
So, I go into a shoe store the other day and I'm just kind of browsing. The clerk -- a cutie of age 21 -- asks me if she can help me. I kindly ask her to get me a certain pair to try on. As I put the shoes on, she enthusiastically squeaks: "Wow, those shoes look great on you!" I mock her in the same high-pitch tone: "You’re on commission, you need to say that!" She then gives me that playful little slap on the arm and tells me I'm "a little sh*t."
I go on teasing her for 5 minutes or so and she asks me if I would like a job at this store. When she gives me the application, she also hands me her home address and phone number and asks me to hand-deliver it that night. To keep it short, that night I gave her more than my job resume!
Now, David, the previous situation is very unusual for me, as I rarely have much to say, period. I've always been very shy and very quiet, but I'm starting to come out of that. I'm not scared to approach women or anything, but I just don't know how to start or keep a conversation, you know?
DK, Indiana
david d. responds
Oh, nice one!
Great example of how to use Cocky & Funny with a woman!
And as for meeting women, stop worrying about starting or keeping conversations going.
Just walk up to women, get their phone numbers, and then get together with them later for a cup of tea.
No "starting of conversations" required.
You're doing fine -- don't worry about "conversations."
And if you do wind up in a conversation, just start out by talking about normal things, then transition into the Cocky & Funny material as you progress.
reader's comment
Read your stuff -- interesting. Makes a lot of sense to appear different than all the others. I
have one question, however: This Cocky & Funny stuff (can I call it "friendly mocking?") really only works on women who are sure of themselves and who will not take your jokes to heart. But how many of those are in the world? I mean, with today's "perfect" pop stars most women have at least some insecurities. So, how can you use this technique and not accidentally hit a weak spot? Is there a neutral Cocky & Funny approach?
J., Brooklyn, NY
david d. responds
I think you're hitting on an important point here.
I think that a lot of guys "secretly" want to figure out a way to meet women without risking anything.
This is probably why online dating web sites are so popular.
The problem with not wanting to risk anything is that it creates a mindset that leads to being average.
And "average" doesn't create attraction.
I teach guys to use a specific kind of humor that I call "Cocky & Funny."
One of the purposes of the Cocky & Funny technique is to clearly demonstrate that you are not intimidated by a woman, and to instantly communicate that you are different from other men.
You'd like to know the magic way to "not accidentally hit a weak spot."
But guess what?
Accidents happen.
Risk is part of life.
Don't worry so much about hitting a "weak spot" while you're teasing or busting on a woman -- just concern yourself with making sure you're being funny while you're doing it.
If you meet a woman who is so sensitive that she can't take a joke, or you "accidentally" overdo it, don't worry about it. No biggie.
She's probably either too uptight or emotionally fragile for you to have a good time with anyway.
If you want to make a cake, you have to break a few eggs, man.
Remember, your objective isn't to be mean to women, or to hurt them. Your objective is to use a specific type of humor to create attraction.
And give up this "neutral" idea. Neutral is boring. And boring is not the way to create attraction.
reader's comment
Hi Dave,
I have been [reading your articles] for a while now and boy have they been working. As a matter of fact, I was actually using Cocky & Funny all the time without even realizing it. For example:
In one of my classes there is this girl that acts weird most of the time (she's a solid 9.5) and one day she was talking to me, and I just turned around and said to my friend: "Did you say mental hospital?" I got a shot in the arm for that one.
I kept unknowingly using Cocky & Funny on her for maybe three days, and then after one Cocky & Funny comment she replied (with her hand on my shoulder): "I like you, you make me laugh," then she winked and turned around. I was shocked! I mean, I had basically been making fun of her. Little did I know that I had been doing everything right (this was before I started getting your e-mails).
So, anyway, my question: I have no problems meeting women in malls, on campus, etc., but what about online? Are there any Cocky & Funny comments I can use to start a conversation? The only ones I can think of are when they have ridiculous/absurd chat names.
Thanks,
A.
david d. responds
Well, one of the great things about teasing women is that you can basically guess things about them and they'll respond.
For instance, if you're talking to a woman online and you haven't seen her picture, you can say:
"OK, you're probably some hairy, manly, 700-pound beast, and that's why you haven't sent me your picture..."
(Use this kind of thing when she says that she's a model or dancer, etc. and it's obviously not even close to the truth.)
The bolder you are, and the funnier, the better you'll do when guessing.
Try it, you'll like it.
David DeAngelo
This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com (What's this?)
David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.
source: askmen