Top class: A villa at the Verdura ResortWith the white dining room sporting a very white, starched table cloth, white chairs and lovely white linen napkins, a frisson of parental smugness flickered across our faces as the main course was cleared.
The children were still clean and pink-cheeked; the baby was even in his white pyjamas with a bottle of milk.
What folly. Our nemesis was only minutes away. It came 'from the chef' in the shape of two scoops of chocolate ice cream - one per child - delivered by a kindly Sicilian waiter.
Never has so much chocolate been spread more liberally over more white materials in so little time. If you had filled a fire extinguisher with Nutella and fired it at the tablecloth, it might have been a prettier sight.
But the moral of the story is this: in the morning when we apologised to the restaurant manager for the devastation to his dining room, he giggled mischievously. 'Children are happier when they can make a mess,' he said, 'and we have to wash the linen anyway.'
This is the true greatness of Sir Rocco Forte's new retreat, the Verdura Golf and Spa Resort on the south coast of Sicily: it has successfully balanced the often contradictory requirements of offspring and five-star luxury.
It manages to embrace children into a holiday utopia immaculately fashioned from terracotta, limestone and wood over 570 acres of lawns, sand, wild herbs and orange groves alongside an emerald sea.
South coast beauty: The nearby bay of ScopelloOf the six tennis courts, eight swimming pools, nine restaurants and bars, 70 bicycles, 80 electric golf carts, 203 rooms and 14,000 fluffy towels, scarcely anything is out of bounds to junior members of the team - and all this without sacrificing a whisker of adult five-starriness.
As soon as guests cross the resort perimeter, the levels of pampering reach stratospheic proportions. The philosophy of Verdura is 'the art of simple luxury', but achieving that can sometimes be a complex matter.
As a new guest I found eight letters to read on arrival.
They were: 1: from the guest relations department about charges for extras; 2: from the resident manager about the clocks going back; 3: from the public relations manager offering resort tours; 4: from the spa manager alerting me to the special treatments; 5: from the golf manager inviting me to attend a clinic; 6: from the general manager advising me to 'get unforgettable your stay'; 7: from the general manager letting me know the dwarf palms, orange trees and orchids on the resort were as yet too young to flourish; and 8: from the general manager explaining the seaweed on the beach was to be celebrated.
Simple luxury can be technically challenging, too. After an indoor swim, the shower presented us with a dashboard of controls such as you might have imagined faced Neil Armstrong on Apollo 11.
By adjusting different settings for spray and lights, there were 81 potential varieties of pummelling and dreamlike dousing.
Room with a view: Olive groves stretch across the Sicilian countrysideComing after four outdoor mineral pools, a sauna, hammam and lap pool, my brain was so overdosed with sensory delights, it began repeating words spied on the spa literature: 'entirely new holistic experience', 'optimal physical and mental balance', 'unparalleled luxury and serenity'.
For a fretful minute I worried that I might never be able to reenter the mortal zone, where you are required to perform tasks such as supermarket shopping, speaking nicely to traffic wardens and sweeping up Coco Pops. The Verdura Resort is a magnificent dream and a massive investment; a seven-year planning, design and construction labyrinth and by far the most luxurious holiday destination in Sicily.
The choice of Sicily is inspired; nowhere in Europe has a more fascinating history and culture, more delicious food and wine or better weather. The one obstacle to visitors from Britain - limited flights - has been fixed by Ryanair, easyJet and BA.
Short drive away: The Temple of Concordia is the best-preserved Greek temple in the worldFrom the Ryanair flight to Trapani, you can be in Verdura in around an hour. From the pool with your fresh basil, grape juice and gin cocktail, you can gaze a few miles over the sea to Sciacca (pronounced 'shakka'), once a celebrated Roman trading post with Africa and later the scene of the most bloodcurdling of medieval feuds during the course of which the Luna and Perollo clans slaughtered each other with boundless energy.
Exceptional golfing: Verdura has two 18-hole championship coursesA 40-minute drive in the other direction you can be sitting beside the best-preserved Greek temple in the world, the Temple of Concordia in Agrigento, almost exactly as it was 2,500 years ago. And 60 miles to the north lies the beautiful coastal village of Scopello.
The two main sports on offer at Verdura are tennis and golf. I put tennis coach Roberto to the test. A brilliant teacher, he let me to win a couple of points before asserting his skills in the sweltering heat.
For the golfer, Verdura is exceptional: two 18-hole championship courses meander like a green moat around the main conference centre and hotel.
They were designed by Kyle Phillips, the man behind Kingsbarns Links near St Andrews, and The Grove, Herts, and the director of golf is former European Tour player Niall Cameron.
Someone has thought about every childish need here: from the relaxed and attentive all-day children's club run by two ministering Angelas, to the toddlers' pool, free children's sunscreen, children's tea at 5.30pm and toddler-sized white fluffy dressing gowns in the bedrooms.
The largely Sicilian resort staff seem genuinely infected by a natural love of children that even the meticulous Forte training regime could never have instilled.
Luxury view: Relax with a cocktail looking out over the sea to SciaccaA luxury resort is a haven from a world 'seared with trade, bleared, smeared with toil', as poet Gerard Manley Hopkins put it.
Yet it is precisely the way it fails that makes it so delightful. Just as no amount of planning or expense can prevent the wasps buzzing around your honeyed toast, nor can any amount of professional polish conceal the earthy friendliness of the Sicilian staff, nor prevent the gust of rustic life intruding into this earthly paradise.
Travel factsStay seven nights at the Verdura Golf and Spa Resort in a deluxe room and enjoy a second room for up to two children, aged four to 18, at a reduced rate.
From £4,930 for a family of four (two adults and two children), saving £2,520 per family. This includes seven nights' B&B and BA flights. Valid from March 1 to July 31, and September 1 to December 10. Seasons in Style (01244 202000, http://www.seasonsinstyle.com).
source: dailymail